Right now, at 4 years old, you are slowly losing the ability to only feel "now".
I've seen it, you like to process what comes next - fun, toys, trips to the beach.
It's normal and I'm proud of you for this.
I hope when you read this, you know that the time before that - when everything was just a pure raw intake of now. That it was a gift to me.
As you age, life will rip away at your ability to process now and replace it with later..and sadly, for some of your life will only leave you with "before".
As you age some people will never notice they lose now. They'll only see later and before. I'm part of that, struggling to find my way back to now.
I attempt to find now with focus. Let the thoughts drift into your mind and sort them by past and future, and look for ones that are neither.
The neither is something unique and special, it is the quietest part of your mind talking.
It'll show you who you really are, what you really want and what you really fear.
At 29, I see the stains on my soul or inner mind from society. Lust for materials, wealth, attention. All can be categorized as future, and now. Below that I feel wrenching fear of death. The soft inner voice of my mind tells me that death is future. That what I truly fear is that of being alone. This is shown to me by a sailboat on an open sea being pulled down into a vortex. Accepting the fear, accepting the alone as a fear I can own it. Owning it allows me to peer into the center of the vortex to trust that death will bring me to alone, but it'll open again much like an hour glass. This brings me peace at this time.
I love you.