I am Odin, the Allfather. Jesus Christ, Anubis, Set. I am Muhammad, but not Ali. I am god, without a capital "G". I alone determine whether you live or die, and I'm asleep at the wheel. I saw the spark in the primordial ooze, I was there when Tesla made Edison his punk bitch, and smiled when Edison returned the favor through shrewd cunning. I am not here as a savior, I am here as a forewarning, and those who do not heed, succeed. Do not follow me, as I am the god of failure, and mediocrity. When the sun sets for the last time, I'll be atop the mountain, grinning, judgment pending, and if you play your cards right, you'll be holding my hand, in a secure bunker, location undisclosed. Ransom to follow, to be paid in several monthly installments of $19.95. Woe unto the nonbelievers, my cross sits at the side of an unnamed road.