'Seeing my upcoming schedule does it make any more sense now why I have been trying to see you this summer? Life gets crazy in late August. School then moving then surgery. Recovery while taking online classes... The event in Q4 if I'm healed enough. I literally do not know when I'll be able to see you even to say hi...'
"Sorry, this day has been crazy busy...We will make something work"
'I know that you say that and I think that you mean well...I'm afraid I am losing some hope.. I mean the obvious limitations coupled with some concerning flags. My knowing that in the big scheme of things I have become less important but knowing just to what extent. That being a part of every day life is hard. It's hard for me to be so sure as I once was.'
"We have very different lives and distance is a problem to be sure"
'Do you think our lives are too different?'
"As it stands now yes ... in the big picture no
You are working and school I am dealing with family drama and wrapping up R/D and trying to turn over a new leaf.
Compatible with each other is a resounding yes"
'I would like to think that we are very compatible too.'
"We share many of the same passions ...or at least the same intensity"
'That is certainly true.
Relationships of any sort are dynamic though. They progress or regress, they don't stay the same. Stagnant relationships die. I've got heavy stuff coming up, you have heavy stuff here and now.. Shared passions or not, friendship or otherwise I don't want to have a stagnant relationship.
Do you think that less um.. contact.. would be helpful? Now and/or in the long run?'
"Sleeping more is a product of me turning over a new leaf
Going to sleep at 3a and getting up at 10a is not conducive to the schedule I will need"
'I'm not just talking about sleep M, I mean in general. You and me. Do you think less contact would be beneficial?'
"For me during this shift yes...but I know that will strain the relationship between us ...basically I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't"
'Yes it will strain the relationship but it can't be any worse than how things are going now. You tend to get distracted and become distant when you are stressed. I am pretty attuned to that try to compensate even though I know that never works with you. I find myself censoring what I say and how long I talk, trying to hit that sweet spot where you still respond and before talking too long where you drop off mid convo. It's not just you. We both acknowledge that I am a more sensitive person in a few different ways than you. I have taken things personally even when I maybe/probably shouldn't because I can be so literal sometimes. It takes two effect a relationship, it's not all you... And hey we do need our time to rest, I can't expect you to give me all your down time just like you can't expect me to always make myself available. I'm not this close to 'just friends'...the lack validation makes me feel like maybe it's all one sided and you are just pacifying me. Like it's a pity thing. I tend to run far far away from things like pity..'
"One step at a time"
'I think what you are missing is what we are past that one step.. Passed it months ago.. We can call it all sorts of other things and fool ourselves into thinking we aren't together if that does it for you. I would rather things be strained with some benefits long term and risk us 'breaking up' because if we change nothing then a break up is inevitable.'
"Did I tell you I put in my two weeks at work?"
'...Is that your way of telling me I have reached max talking time?'
"When I say one step at a time I mean all steps are one at a time"
'If it's better to have that space and take steps back, I'm cool with that. I don't even mean it in an ominous sense. This won't be any more of a strain on us than things already are. I know how to just be a good friend.'
'It's not necessary for me M. You've given a lot tonight and I know that isn't easy for you to do. Plus, talking this late is no way to put our words into action. We're just gonna do the fall asleep on the phone thing.'
'Ok.. give me a couple minutes.'