There are so many things A that I still can't process! I was living before now! Living best as I can and we would celebrate that, you and I. Things weren't always great, but things don't always matter either. Pick and choose and sip and celebrate. And write. We used to write. Then he came in. He touched my shoulder when I was wrapped in a blanket and shaking the bed. My right shoulder. He anchored me until I stopped shaking and could warm myself again. I think that's about the time I stopped really talking with you. There was so much to say and I am only now at a point where I can isolate a portion and talk of it with you, one of my very most important friends.
There's a lot I haven't mentioned. The pier. Ocean Springs. All the tears, all the relief and love and sadness and mourning and happiness and elated..ness. And the part where I learnedthat our love is colors. I don't think I can explain that last part. Or maybe it's that I don't think I should. But I will say that he is a healing salve on the whole in my chest I live my life to hide. He helped me create again. It's very much in my head still, but it's there, I thought my creativity was the expense of my emotional stability but I have been proven wrong in that respect and I will spend the rest of my life finding new ways to thank him for it. That reminds me, I need to try and buy him lemon candy tomorrow if possible. All he needs to do is be convinced to go to the store and get his gift. Could work. Should work.
He loves me tremendously. He loves me so much that it hurts. In fact that's only partial truth. All I have is partial truth. All he can express is his love for me through the confines of our present reality.
"I'm so in love with you that it hurts. I've never loved someone this much. I think about that a lot. How to tell you. What words to use. I can never find words to express how I feel about you, so I end up saying nothing and for that I'm very sorry.
Words fail me, actions often don't. I long for the day that I can show you how deep my love is for you on a daily basis." One day he will understand that he is enough for me. Likewise, one day I will understand that I can spend every day of my life learning a new... Facet of his love for me.. and I'll still never fully know. His love is a gem that I prefer raw and natural because any attempts at modifying something so perfect in its own right would be akin to vandalism in my mind.
In my mind, we are not perfect, we both struggle and that struggle excites me. I for my part know that sometimes my happiness is solely dependent on dopamine, serotonin and the like. He for his part understands that and has vowed to live with me, live for me, wait for me to recover.. he wants to be my heart when mine is tired. I for my part will let him. I will accept his help. There is love here.