I don’t know how to describe this feeling, of pure retched sadness. It’s horrible, uncomforting, distressing and quite unbecoming of a social recluse. I can’t afford this way of thinking, yet it consumes me on a daily basis. I hate it. But I can’t help but find no inspiration around me. I wouldn’t take everything I say at this moment to heart since I’m in a rather fowl mood. I’m just in a dark fucking place and I can’t stand myself at this moment, so I must apologise if I react differently around people or you for this matter, but I can’t help this rage of emotion that hinders my every thought. I have come to the conclusion that I shouldn’t listen to any of these putrid thoughts as I know where they come from. Mental illness. So fuck you thoughts! Truly. You are overwhelmingly gross and bombarding my every waking hour, go fuck yourself, deeply and sincerely, yourself. I have tried those silly medications but they don’t rid my mind of the constant reminder of how sad things in life can be, how people are brain dead, almost zombie like, how little being social has to offer and how much I realize more and more that I would prefer being a recluse. I think I need to slap myself silly, but for now I will keep indulging these despising moments. It’s an odd time in my life, mentally, an odd place we live in, everything is confusing and I can’t stop but look at every god damn avenue that every store has to offer. I’m sick of being sucked into commercialization, industrialization and bloody socialization, to all things that have no true meaning. Sorry to sound morose but perhaps I’m being too vulnerable and realizing how sick of a world we live in and hate the feeling of it’s coldness. Everything is a substance we need to inhale to feel good about ourselves, a drug that helps up abstain from reality and never truly be in the moment, which I must say is the most beautiful thing one can behold in their life. This very moment is what defines us and if you don’t pay attention to it you can find yourself lost and never found. Why do you think people love their phones so much. Phones are our new drug of the century. I miss how people used to talk to each other with genuine words, the way they would look at you in the metro and shyly look away, or the way people would smile at you when walking down the street. Now a days why bother when you can have a fake reality right in a tiny ass screen just big enough to cover your damned face. Yeah I’m in a mood, because no one sees this bullshit! So please, if you don’t like this, well sorry, I can’t help but express my emotions, but if you feel the same satisfaction in your life perhaps you can read this and see that you’re not alone and maybe, just maybe, we could one day gather universally as we free ourselves from this bind. But the first step is consciousness, so read this, and think. Be in this moment and you will find every single antidote to your every problem, simply by doing one thing, and being in this moment.