THIS MEANS WAR
In all truth growing up I never knew what inner peace was all about.. I was t-totally unaware of my own existence.. I did not fully comprehend my place on earth.. I went through the motions of life, but found myself failing at every effort miserably.. I failed at making friends, being a friend, failed at school, failed in business, I even failed at marriage.. I always had the feeling that something was off about me.. The problem was I never knew what it could be.. The question I'd ask myself repeatedly was, why do these things happen to me?.. I thought perhaps it's because I was not attending church or praying enough to jesus. I started going again, I entensfied my prayer effort.. My life still took a turn for the worse.. One day as I was over weight, over exhausted and over extended there came a voice in my mind.. That said, "go for a walk".. I argued with it.. The thought of me going out when I felt terrible, thought I looked horrible, I even felt I smelled worse.. At first I ignored that voice that repeated the same words, "Go for a walk".. There was a walking path that led in the direction of the hospital.. I thought to myself, OK! if I walk that way.. If I fainted or fell down I'd get help right away.. Then one day as I failed another test.. My taxi licence was not attainable.. Heartbroken and disappointed.. I listened to that voice and went for that walk.. After 10 minutes into the walk I began to feel as if I was gliding.. After 20 minutes my lungs opened up.. I begin to feel a pep in my step after walking at least an hour.. The feelings that were ignited in me excited me.. The sights the sounds that I began to see had eluded my senses for all my life until that day.. A question came to mind.. Where had this me been all my life? .. When I returned home my feelings, my senses were on full blast.. I could see colors that I had seen all my life begin to have a glow about them.. When I touched an article of clothing material, a wall, a plate, anything, the intensity of the way those things felt reverberated in my body and mind.. I liked it.. The next day I decided to walk again.. Just to see if it was just a thing.. It turns out the same wow! factor happened again.. Accept this time the voice said to me, "I am within, you are worthy of clarity and love, but you must keep your body moving".. I did not understand.. Soon minutes became hours.. That time spent alone in nature was healing.. It became a part of my daily routine.. I began to hear my thoughts clearly and concisly, giving me answers to all of my life's questions.. I began to see and feel everything.. My purpuse even became clear.. Not all at once but step by step the weight began to melt away.. Not just physical weight but the load I had been carrying on my shoulders mentally, providing me finally with a sense of well being.. The voice came again but this time with a question, do you love yourself?.. I paused.. At first.. My mind went blank.. In what I thought was my honesty I answered, I do.. I think.. I'm not sure what you (you being that inner voice that I had finally began to listen to) mean.. Of course I love me, I reluctantly replied.. Turns out I lied.. I did not know me.. I was turning 40 and did not know a thing about me.. Did not know what I felt or thought about anything other than my daughter and lobster.. I did not know why I did and said things.. Nor why I ate what I ate when I ate.. Did not know why I liked the color blue.. I could go on for days.. About what I did not know about myself.. That's when I had an epiphany.. Get to know me and keep my body moving.. Over the next coming weeks I started asking me, myself the tough questions.. Who are you? What do you like? Who do you like? What motivates me? Asking and speaking the answers out loud.. I felt like a nut sometimes.. As I stood in a store while shopping for things that I had purchased on auto pilot.. I asked do you really like this or that and if its good for my body and psyche? The walk wow! factor had struck again.. I began to get to know me in ways that changed my life for the best.. I began to love me.. Began to love my voice, my hair, my face, my body, even my toes were no longer ugly to me.. Finally I realized my little breast and rolls on the waistline belonged to me.. The scars, the stretch marks.. The nose, the failing eyes were all mine and I began to accept all of me.. And what I could not accept I began to change.. I applied that acceptance in my every waking moment.. This forced me fall in love with me.. I became grand.. Fantastic.. Fit.. Amazing.. Beautiful, Charming, loving and extremely forgiving.. I Went to school and passed with high scores.. Started a business.. Began to rekindle family relationships.. In all the subsequent years its been made clear to me I was finally recognizing inner peace.. Now at 50 years of age I find that there are many that would attempt to disturb, to negate, to abuse what I have found within me.. They try to belittle or demean me.. Saying that I'm ugly or fat, not good enough or unworthy.. I say, they are liars and should leave my orbit.. For to continue with projecting their own earthly confusion.. This means war.. Inner peace, glowing self love, appreciation, self acceptance, great physical health, positive affirmations are all worth fighting for..