I don’t know where I am. I feel like I am in calm water. It is cold, it is empty, there’s no one around. I poison myself with doubt. This river is flowing no where, it just stops. There is a constant questioning of self worth.
At least I don’t lie to myself as often. I know I am broken. I have a powerful grasp on my own throat. It shuts my voice down. My eyes are heavy. I sing Asleep by The Smiths because it fits me. Is it a curse or a blessing to feel so strongly? About all the good and the bad…
But the bad just stays longer in my system like tequila shots and stupid mistakes. I am wrapped up in anyone’s finger who shows me compassion, I crave to give and take only in the form of love. Why must we value and devaluate so easily? I keep stressing because I think I won’t ever be loved back but maybe I expect too much from the people I love dearly. It’s difficult not to get angry.