@poetryinmotion @194angellstreet @bluefingreg @tyrntlzrdking @tiroas @sturmmadchen @belartandstyle feel free to repost if you want or tag someone in any comment you leave me. We have got to find a better way, i've made a suggestion to originator of 'Selfie Monday'.
This week is "Dealer's choice", we select theme of selfie and accompanying details. Usually an option i relish, but with this...not so much. It isn't the stroll down memory lane that's difficult, it's getting dragged into the dark alleys along the way.
Plus my selection of selfies limited by 1) Only a handful, those that were copied and sent off to extended family...of shots of me from birth to 8 1/2 yrs exist and 2) from teens on i was usually the one behind the camera. i actually was going to share some childhood...but...those alleys...not today.
Not that it's all happiness and joy what i am sharing. Tho when this photo was taken i was feeling pretty happy, most of the time. Here's a salient fact about me: i am good at picking friends, even of the opposite sex...but Lovers? Romantic partners?...not so good, even tried taking a friendship to romance (my daughter's father, he bailed before she was born) once...not so good...people have different expectations of lovers than friends.
But..this shot: That's me in the center, the man in the glasses is 'Lolay' who years later would be my brother-in-law. The man with cigarette is 'Dean' (a play on his birth name: Thakurdeen). He was poet, volatile, jealous, brilliant and the 'grand passion' of my life, tho not my only romance. This was on a rooftop of our lower east side apt building in spring or summer of 68 when we'd been living together for a couple of months. We had an off/on relationship for almost decade. He was eventually my first husband. We split up for 3 yrs, then reconciled and had our twins. Split for good, tho he never believed it, warned women he was seeing that 'My wife will come back, and i'll take her back. Each of us had one of the boys living with us. He adored the boys even if he was a pretty clueless parent.
Both of us had issues of 'abandonment' by opposite sex parent among other things and our issues tended to exacerbate each others. i'd get healthier during our separations (i have correspondence to a good friend which she sent back to me that confirms this)...then weeks or months after reconciling he'd wear me down, i'd start to believe he meant it when he suggested splitting up in the heat of anger. He was wonderful during my pregnancy, having read it was bad for baby to stress Mom, which gave me hope he'd grow...but once they were born...same old issues surfaced. i sure wasn't going to stay pregnant, The boys were 3 1/2 when the estranged husband of one of two women with jealous, volatile estranged husbands that he was seeing murdered him. Lots of other stories there, but another time/place.
When my grandson was born 5 days short of the 30th birthday of his grandfather's death it was a bittersweet moment. As awkward as it likely would have been, i'd have given almost anything for Dean to have been alive all these years and to be there at the hospital. The boys have their Dad's smile and Owen looking at Liam in his arms with that same smile...like said...bittersweet.