a friend of mine was having a convo about what things might be early-warning signs of a slump into depression (or something like that--rewording mine)...and it's been something that's been brewing in the back of my head in the last few weeks.
realized that most of my peoples are ridiculously high-functioning. guess we're all of a certain age where we've figured out how to present as mostly together and can call that up at will. even the folks i know who are dealing with the deepest shit have an unbelievable capacity to hold so much.
so i've been thinking about it wrt me (#navelgazing), and i definitely get the full range of human emotions (probably fuller than i'd like a lot of the time). for all that i run a bit more, um, spastic and high energy than most, i also get balanced out by my share of slumps into deep stuffs. somehow it all feels of the same piece.
sure, there's the usual signs of impending crashing: not getting out of bed, eating astonishing amounts of junk food, drinking to excess, finding myself in front of the tv/fb/threes for hours. but now that i've been thinking about it, i'm starting to notice other earlier things. small incursions into disorder (not making my bed, letting my house get overrun by more dust bunnies than usual, forgetting to eat...) that indicate that my ocd self has given up and is holed up somewhere (probably playing threes obsessively till the phone hits me in the face and wakes me up for another few hours of repetitive-stress-inducing "fun").
not sure how to identify that for folks on the outside of my bubble. this stuff is remarkably easy to hide (the dust bunnies win every battle, in the end, so it's not always a sign of anything deeper than simple inertia). but it seems like there's something in not hiding it and posting to doomed social media platforms that feels right.