Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time introspecting in hopes of mining out some vein of answers that will somehow make my life and my thoughts easier to manage. This idea that all of the solutions are inside myself somehow, if I could just find a way to dig deeper, if I just keep searching the right places. I don't know if I believe that there's some sort of nerve-center where all my neuroses meet and breed buried under head-fog and childhood traumas, but all the same, I spend a lot of time trying to understand myself and core out meaning from every thought or motion executed.
Sometimes it makes me feel better. Sometimes it makes me feel more insane. I don't even know if I fully understand what I'm trying to get. But more and more I'm coming to the conclusion that while I am the master of my own destiny in most ways, I might not be as fully equipped to save myself as I thought before. I think it's easy to tell yourself that that's a personal failure, you know? But I also don't think many people, or even most people, can make it completely alone anyway. And maybe I should just accept that. I don't know everything, I don't even know everything about myself. Other insight is not a bad thing and seeking it is not a sign of weakness.
That being said, finding therapists is hard, and I can't stop reading personality profiles, whoops