This is Chris, this WAS Chris.
Chris took his life last night.
This is not about how I feel, this is not about anyone who knows him feels, this is about him.
He was a jockey, he was a lover to his girlfriend, he was gay, so the tales said. He was a super jockey, when the Black Dog was not chasing him.
Chris was a gente man, he was a superb horseman. He could coax a horse to perform to its best.
But he could not do it day after day, he could not be a lover to his girlfriend day after day, he could not face the world and say "I'm doing fine" every day.
This is not about me, this is not about the loved ones he has led bewildered and devastated.
His parents are not together, his family are wounded from events that no family should have to endure.
But Chris, why?
Why do this?
Why, when you had so much to offer, so much to give, to share to be?
Jockeys have a hard life, especially in countries where racing is not the sport of the masses. He was a troubled soul, he was also to inherit his fathers string of horses to train into the future, a potential to become great. - Maybe that was not what he wanted.
I did not follow my fathers foot steps, so many of us don't.
This is not about me, but it is.
I'm so angry, I hate everyone who takes their life, it is not anyones to take - from my point of view. I've considered things are not good, but there is so much that is.
I am furious that he did this, I did not know him well, but I've photographed him enough times to see a gentle man, a kind and loving man, a man who I obviously did not know.
It is something we don't want to address, and something that with hindsight should not be possible.
Chris, you are at peace, but you've left so many people who simply can't understand why you chose to leave before your time.