On the Nose: the Power of Insights.
Insights is a powerful thing. As all of you, I hope, I’ve had it many times over the years and I’ve always learned something from them. It can be that something is not for me, or that I need to handle a difficult situation a certain way, but also that I’m good at something, or that if I do that it will be a positive thing later on in life.
Isn’t just insights the moment when magick becomes reality? Even if an insight can be a banality, maybe it tells you how you will be able to open a can, or use a key in a problematic lock, how to use your hand and/or equipment in certain ways to unlock something, whatever it is.
But the most powerful insights are those that’s been growing inside you for you years, stuff that finally comes together in words or in some kind of physical act. In some cases it’s the realization what our sexuality really is, no matter it’s being gay, straight, non-binary, trans and so on. I’m sure most straights out there, the most common (yeah, I’m not gonna use the word “normal” here), had that revelation about themselves, even without putting that much thought into it.
Looking at it from a distance it’s easy to see that an important, life-changing insight, is the result of years of moments, distractions, opinions, sights or anything else that might affect your psyche. It’s one spell after another, another piece of the puzzle, until we form that insight and see all the parts of it.
Maybe I’m pushing it here, but I would say it’s some kind of magick or lesser magic. It’s just spread out over so many years, over so many experiences. Let me tell you one I had a while ago, something I’ve been keeping in my mind for at least 35 years.
I lived in Västerås as a child, the fifth biggest city in Sweden. Much of this time was kinda in a daze because of parents with their own problems and a general feeling of not being able to fit in, even in such a young age. I had several friends, and one of them was Patrick. I remember him to have brown hair with some red tints in it, with freckles and happy big eyes. One day I had another friend over, a cooler friend. Suddenly someone rang the doorbell and I ran to open the door. It was Patrick. Maybe afraid of being seen with another friend I just punched him on the nose, quite hard, and closed the door on him there - leaving him outside crying. I’m sure my mom came to Patrick’s rescue, but I don’t remember what happen with our friendship after that.
I still feel bad about this. I know, I know, we were just kids. Kids are stupid, with brains hardly developed into something that one can communicate with. But still, it was an awful thing to do.
Patrick and his nose have been on my mind constantly my whole life and sometimes I even think about locating him and talk to him about it, but I also sense that this is something he have forgotten by now. It’s a thing between kids. And it’s over. We’re adults and can cope with childish stuff like this. But it’s hard to let it go. So hard. Until my husband asked me: “Why do you keep that in your mind, what’s worrying you with it?”. My answer was “Because I don’t like to hurt people”.
That’s it. That’s the root to a huge part of my life, me being scared to hurt other people. I don’t mean necessary in a physical way, but emotionally - making them disappointed of me, not being able to live up to who I want to be. Everything, all this whining from my side for at least 35 years, goes back to this very moment, when I as a child punched another boy on the nose.
It started to fade away, this feeling of not being able to live up to what people expect of me.This fear of rejection because I’m not good enough for them.
Suddenly it felt like child’s play. Stupid yes, but in looking at it now, with a whole lifetime in-between, I realize I have nothing to worry about. That boy is not what I am today, and that road, with all those insights, is magic - lesser och greater, whatever that means to you.
A true satanist needs to be self-critical and self-reflective. In this day and age it’s even more important to realize who you are and what you’ve become. It’s nothing to be ashamed about and to me that’s a sign of real emotional strength. So deal with it, embrace those insights. And don’t punch people on the nose - if they don’t deserve it of course.
#insights #satanism #satanist #writing #ellowrites #magick #magic #lessermagic #lifelesson