Being a child is more or less like doing the military service; it’s a living nightmare with constant dangerous situations, shitty education, crap food and being forced to be with people you hate - and then when becoming an adult you’ll remember only the good parts, all wrapped in cotton tained with bright colors and white sugar.
Most people are doing this without thinking about it. They buy the falsified visions of their childhood from marketing experts, politicians and self-help gurus. Here in Sweden we have that illusion that we all played around in green forests, living in red wooden houses with white corners, playing around with kittens and cows on some imaginary farm. Some political parties, like the right wing fascist party Sverigedemokraterna, uses this a lot - a good way to gain votes from the constantly spreading herd mentality in society.
It was a recurring thought in my life when I was a child, that I didn’t like being a child. I didn’t see the fun of it, and even if the future adult life felt strange and weird it was something I was looking forward to experience. Somewhere there, during my childhood years, I also told myself that I never wanted to be a parent myself. I didn’t want any kids of my own.
It’s now at least 35 years since I first had those thoughts, at least from as early as I can remember, and I still haven’t changed my mind. I should note that even if I had a complex and not unproblematic upbringing, my parents always showed me love and respect, which is possible even if their own personal life was going down the drain. So generally speaking I can’t complain about how I was treated; I was treated good, very good considering the circumstances.
But I could see how we as kids often was left in the powers of others, from other kids with their own psychopathic agendas, teachers and their narrow minded view on basically everything and, worst of all, other adults who often used their age to get exactly what they wanted. I had several friends that was sexually abused by both their parents (aka fathers) and other adults. It’s just sad that people actually think adults know better - which don’t mean kids know better either. Our brains is fully developed around the year 25, and before that we’re just the same idiots as our parents - just smaller.
After that it’s up to you to take care of that mind, and most of you will fail. My condolences.
But living a life where your existence is controlled by one or more grown up persons (most of them are idiots, as stated above) or a herd of completely retarded kids of the same age… that’s horrifying. It fucks you up already from the beginning, and if you’re lucky you’ll survive and become a healthy and happy person living outside the prison constructed by society - or you keep doing the insane thing, producing more kids and brainwashing them to believe what a wonderful time childhood is.
We all know that kids usually trust adults, so why wouldn’t they let themselves be fooled?
So just by avoiding setting a child into a hellish world, no matter if their life seemingly is safe and great, is one huge reason for me to not have kids myself. I don’t see it as my mission to let another poor human being tortured on playgrounds and schoolyards.
The main reason though is purely egoistic, and I don’t mean that in any negative way. I love how not having children have given me freedom to do whatever I want in my life. I can travel, I can spend money on my interests, I can eat good food most days, I don’t have to spend hours to drive my kid to soccer or hockey practice, I don’t have to force myself to listen to badly written poetry on graduations and lie that it’s words from a genius. I can watch violent films during all times of the day and I don’t have to explain the birds and the bees to a restless pre-teen child. Oh, and I will never be the embarrassing parent who will sit up all night waiting for his darling perfect daughter or son to come home from some party, drunk or stoned or both. When thinking of it, the lack of being worried for someone else - a child - is the biggest freedom of them all.
I’m not judging you want or have kids, I don’t mind it at all, just don’t expect me or anyone else to worship your little flabby offspring. We have life to live, you know.
#individualism #satanism #satanist #childhood #kindertrauma #kids #childless #writing #ellowrites #essay #freedom