I’ve always been careful mixing psychoactive substances, even if I like the idea of trying to expand something mind blowing even further into the realms of the psychonautic consciousness. This evening I was alone at home and got this feeling to just lay down in sofa, watch a couple of movies and let my mind fly away - and what’s better for that than Ecstasy?
Partying is not my thing, especially not parties involving dancing other physical activities, and E for me have always been a way to look at myself and others and heal the dark thoughts I’ve had and learn something in the process. A self-reflecting medicine, a form of therapy… plus having crazy nights at home, listening to music and taking photographs with my husband. But tonite he was away and I quickly swallowed one blue, square, pill and waited for the result.
I’ve tried this particular pill before. It’s strong, and gives an intensive start - a beautiful high and a smooth comedown. One of the better pills I’ve tried and also one of those that actually gets better if you don’t take a second one. One is enough, because it’s powerful by itself. A second only makes you totally fucked-up. Which is fun also, but the tiredness that overcomes you the day after is quite straining.
For some reason I only can blame on the pill itself I decided to take a small dose of shrooms when I started feeling the comedown. Might seem crazy looking at it now, but I’ve taken a small dose of shrooms before after tripping on E, because it’s been relaxing - but always the day after. This was still during the E trip....
So I loaded up 1,3 g of lovely mushrooms on the scale and ate them. Didn’t think about it much first, it’s not a big dose for being me - I’ve been hardly noticing it before using the same amount. But hey, fuck yeah. This was different. Soon it struck me, the wild visuals, the letters on my smartphone started changing into weird symbols from some distant past - or the future, or something completely alien. The world was changing around me and at the same I felt the beautiful feeling of MDMA rushing through my system.
As you all know, a shroom trip is hard to describe, and this was such an oddity. It wasn’t actually until it started to come down I actually realized I just had one of the most powerful and important shroom trips so far in my life. One thing specifically stood out. I was sitting in the sofa, probably watching a movie or listening to Jocelyn Pook on Spotify, when I suddenly felt a violent anxiety in my chest, a clear very typical panic attack, or the pain associated it. It was located on the upper left of my chest, right above my nipple. I could also feel it. It was cubistic, maybe the size of a one litre milk package, the version we have here in Sweden, and had a yellowish tint. Imagine the weird cubistic power shields they use in David Lynch’s Dune. Exactly like that, but small and in my chest.
I started to pick apart the anxiety package, one piece at the time, with my fingers - but not the physical fingers, I just saw it as a vision. Soon the package was gone, I’ve picked it apart - and the anxiety was completely gone. And it’s been a weird, refreshing, almost empty feeling there ever since.
I’ve believed in the healing properties of shrooms and in combination with Molly it just skyrocketed for me, at least considering the small dose I took. Sometimes I get the sense that the shrooms takes control, and decides themselves when it’s time to come into effect or how the effect, which I find magical and very important.
A shroom trip have never disappointed me, but they also lead me in to different paths each time, an they’re never the same. One time it feels like psychoactive defragging of the mind, other times it’s important insights or messages, and like this time it’s psychological surgery at works.
I bow to thee, shrooms. I truly do.
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