When things get stable I have a really hard time. I get bored. I get antsy. I wander around in my head. I pick at things to see how they pan out. I start making choices and pushing comfort zones to see what happens. Building things has always been far more entertaining than maintaining things to me. Something new is far more valuable than something perfect. I hate having to be relied upon and I hate relying on others. It's always a source of disappointment to me to have to do so and there ultimately are seldom few people that I wholly and enthusiastically trust.
I'm half here, half somewhere else right now. I will be for some time, but I am quietly planning an escape. There are always threads to knot; you could spend an entire life time tying knots if you let yourself. However, one day I'll be gone and on the other side of a map, landmass, or body of water and there will be knots unfurled. This is warning served.
A long time I ago started placing a lot of value in the idea of ghosts being the people you carry with you. I want to go touch these ghosts. I want to have conversations with them before we both dissipate. I want to haul drawings, stories, trinkets, and ideas with me. I want to leave them and bury them in others.
I want to see things from new perspectives. I want to piss on walls in other languages. I just don't want to be here for much longer.