Who am I kidding. I love you.
I don’t know why i knew we’d get along the first time we met and we shook hands. Warmth. Fingertips brushing. Wetness on pavement. Heavy instruments. Lingering traces of ash. Falling on snow. Laughing under blankets. Alone. Again alone. Falling forever. Down down past eternity. Back the other way. Back back. We meet again. Only you’ve got someone. And i have loved you for always. But I see thing in shadows. Creatures peak out of closets. I walk the line between everything and nothing. Between losing myself to all and staying grounded. And i must stay here. So I tattooed my skin to stay here and walk amongst the demons. I see them kissing and sucking and moaning under blue lights. I can only tell them to come with me instead but they never follow. I’ve been to hell. It’s people playing slot machines. My mother was there. She spent it all. My dad was drinking. He’d lock himself up and keep drinking. And I’d cry outside the door. Just like my cat cried when I thought about ending it all in the bathtub. And Im exhausted. And i wish so much i could have you but even if I could I wouldn’t even know what to do. Don’t know. Just know I love you.
a room I once lived in before the chaos came and blew away all I had left and more.