I'm a widower.
My wife passed away 3 years ago.
She was young, only fifty years old, and our children were only teenagers. My son was only 12.
She had suffered for a very long time, nearly 17 years.
It occurred to me that my experience of caring for a disabled person and going through the emotions of losing a spouse is something many people will face. Someone always dies first and the other one will be left alone. I think I'm just going through it a wee bit earlier than might be typical.
3 years out I can say I'm in a pretty good place. Immediately after she passed I was faced with some heavy economic uncertainty. I came a hair's breadth from losing our home. I still face a mountain of debt, but the funny thing about tragic circumstances is that they help you put things in perspective. I don't really have "bad days" anymore.
I loved her. In fact I think my love for her is growing. You can't lie to your spouse anymore once there gone. That forced honesty is powerful medicine. It is something to hang onto.
I've been in love with a handful of people. In fact it seems like I've spent most of my life fixating on one person or another. It's been both wonderful and also brought a ton of despair down upon me.
I'm not "in love" now. I'm sure it won't last but for now it feels pretty good.