After I woke up on christmas morning, I was crying like a baby, after finding out that Santa Claus didn’t leave me any sign of the blue dress.
But, immediately I took a plane to the North Pole, to talk to Momma Claus [You see… Momma Claus is the Boss. Santa is just the delivery guy].
And this is how our conversation went down:
ME: momma claus, what happened?
HER: well, you were on the naughty list.
ME: but momma!… I’m a good boy! … I am soo good that if I take the citizenship priesthood test, I will pass it with A’s.
HER: boy!.. who do you think you are talking to?!!
HER: BAMM!! (I can’t explain what this was) [It is classified].
ME: ok ok ok ok ok
HER: who is the one that has been trashing, and gossiping nonstop about your sister online?
ME: but momma claus! She is the one that always tries to mess up my drinks when we are at a party together.
HER: Did you copy?
HER: I don’t care! … Boy! don’t you speak English?
ME: nope. I speak Dominican!
HER: BAMM!! (Indescribable event)
ME: ok ok ok ok
ME: uuuooohhhhh... Sooo... Momma, can you help me with this, then?
HER: with what? … and hurry up! Because it seems like you can talk!
ME: danm momma! You are truthful!
HER: BAMM!!! [classified].
ME: ……….. (me again, 5 minutes later)
ME: momma, I want to be able to dance the song “Despacito” in my 175th birthday party. How can I accomplish that?
HER: boy! You can talk!, and you definitely have some screw knots missing from your head.
HER: and NO! I can’t help you with that. That’s none of my kind of business. But talk to 23andMe. They can help you with that craziness!
ME: momma, who is 23andMe? Is that a joke? because “Me” … I was 23 years old like 100 million years ago!
HER: boy… don’t you have a computer at home?
HER: google it!
ME: ok, Momma…. But …what about the blue dress?
HER: BAMM!!!! GET OUT OF HERE!