I’ve been feeling down recently.
I always compare myself to other people that I see throughout the day. When someone attractive walks by, I feel the need to check if I look decent. My anxiety starts to grow and I gradually start to feel stares on every part of me. “It’s just your imagination”. I keep repeating the same statement over and over again, but the bad feeling inside my stomach doesn’t go away.
Every freckle and mole on my body is a flaw. The fat the bulges out of my clothes is disgusting. The amount of makeup on face are just layers of money that I waste in order to feel an ounce of beauty that will deteriorate throughout the day.
I am ugly.
Not because someone says it to my face but because of the thoughts that flood my head. I should be focusing on school and work yet every cell in my brain redirects me to how I feel about myself. I wish they would shut up. This noise in my head created a prejudice against attractive people. I used to convince myself that pretty people are narcissistic and self absorbed. However, I’ve come to realize that I am the only one who obsesses over their looks. They’re just minding their own business while I’m sitting alone in a puddle of my own self pity.
Once the day begins to come to an end, I feel worse. Not only am I ugly outside, but my personality is as well.