WHY I LOVE ELLO.
What follows is not something I can talk about on any social media site without being misunderstood for an angry brainless bitch that likes drama.
I'm very angry right now, and it has to do with my abusive past. Amtrak has politely asked me if they could skip my post for day 10 of my residency because it was too graphic for them. In it I wrote about a man trying to grab my daughter's breast and me yelling at him. It didn't happen on the train and I understand why they wouldn't want to post it, but it makes me angry that stuff like this is being swept under the rug. I was sexually abused by family members and couldn't talk about it. I want to talk about. I'm writing books about it.
And I'm not being angry at Amtrak, I'm being angry at my abusers, and Amtrak is simply a trigger here. But it's these emotions that fuel my writing, this inability to talk about ugly stuff of our lives.
Everyone wants the pretty side.
Tonight I will be writing a new blog post, and in it will be a new story. Yesterday a man got drunk on the train and at one of the stops exposed himself and ran around the station screaming profanities. He got kicked off the train. I wonder if they will censor that?
And my question is, how do you expose truths like that without hurting anyone in the process? How do you not come across as some psycho or a troll or simply a stupid drama magnet who wants attention? Especially if you're a woman?
The fact of writing it out has already calmed me down, but I'm not sure how to deal with this in the future. I don't want to shake air with angry shouts. That never does any good to anyone. It only creates more noise and hate. Then how? The last time I got pissed off was when a bookstore declined my request for a reading because I was self-published. They assumed that I write shit. I called them out on it on Twitter and in the end I looked like a fool.
Let me know your thoughts, and thanks for reading this far. I love you. XOXO