Art by Alessandro Sicioldr
"Do this. Do this. Do this. Don't do this. You're not doing it right. Do it like this. I said, like this. Do this. Do this." The constant directing and scolding and reprimanding that starts early eradicates something in you, the rush of spontaneity, the impulse to have fun, to simply jump around and do nothing and be happy for no reason but being alive. The fear sets in. "I'm not doing this right. I'll be scolded. I better do a good job." Girls get the heavy end of the stick. When boys are allowed to "be boys" which is total bullshit, girls are taught to confirm, to be good girls, and to watch boys have fun as reward.
"Don't you dare come home dirty. Shame on you. Dirty as a boy. Go wash yourself." We can't get into fights. We can't tear or stain our clothes. We can't masturbate. God forbid we get caught. With boys it's inderstandable, "They have the urge." Which is another bullshit myth that we've been fed. Biologically a woman's libido is stronger, if we're reduced to talking about ourselves as animals. Which is yet another bullshit underneath the first bullshit. When we talk gender we reduce it to biology to hide behind bogus ideas.
These are layers of excrement we live in and never smell it. We've been conditioned not to. And if we catch a whiff of the stink, our fear makes us think it smells of sweets. Right. And so we swim in it our entire lives, not being able to do whatever the hell it is we want to do. Not being able to NOT GIVE A FUCK and enjoy ourselves. And when at the end of our lives we realize we gave up all of our time for others, we're being called old callous bitter bitches. Well, no fucking wonder! Why wouldn't you get embittered at the world when you see that you've been cheated of your life?
This conditioning starts in the family and continues to be enforced by society. We think we've made strides with feminism. Ha! We barely started. Little girls born today are still being taught how to be pretty, how to dress like girls and wear pink (particularly in America), how to behave, how to be GOOD. It's very easy, really. Sacrifice yourself for others. Be a maiden, an image of purity, an angel on earth. Then you'll be admired, and only then. No other power is allowed you. This is the story we tell our girls and we tell ourselves. I tell this to myself and I fight it every day. But it's a strong bastard, this life-long conditioning, and it's hard to overcome. It will take me years.
I WON'T GIVE UP UNTIL I DIE.