I got downright spooked yesterday when I read a passage in Thomas Harris's Red Dragon that is so close to what I wrote earlier in the day that it set my teeth on edge. I got scared to death. I found my own thoughts in another book, and a book of such caliber. I got validated. If Thomas Harris wrote it like that, it means I have a chance. It means I'm on the right track.
Here are the two passages for you to compare (mine of course is very wordy and still needs a lot of work, as it's only the second draft, but the gist of the scene is there).
TUBE: Trans-Urban Blitz-Express (Draft 2) by Ksenia Anske
"He squinted at her, the laughing lines running in rays from his eyes to his temples, the greying hair combed and smooth, clean and neat, the fingers interlaced.
Olesya pulled up her legs and hugged them, squeezing as far back as the narrow couchette allowed.
"Are you cold?” His tone was thick with concern, genuine concern for a sick plaything that needed care and attention so he could play with it some more, play with it until he grew bored and kicked it to the curb. “Look at you. You’ve grown so much in eleven years. You’ve grown into a beautiful young woman, Olesya. Gorgeous. Exquisite. Your proportions...flawless, your legs, your entire body. To think that I’ve missed all those years watching you blossom—”
“Monster,” she said.
“Why do you say that?” He drew a deep breath. “You got it all wrong, silly. Do you think you can hurt me by calling me names? Is that what you think?”
“Did mama know?”
He studied her, first her eyes, then her hair, then the line of her chin, caressing it without touching it across the table. His gaze oily, salacious, it slid down her neck to the opening of her leotard, to her breasts flat against her knees, and she wanted to scream and couldn’t make a sound.
No. No. No. No.
“You’re freezing. Here, let me warm you up.”
He peeled the blanket off the bed and as he neared her she stiffened and stopped breathing. He draped it over her knees and tucked it all around her, his putrid breath grazing her skin like coarse emery paper."
Red Dragon by Thomas Harris
"Dolarhyde rolled him into the house and parked him in a corner of the parlor with his back to the room, as though he had misbehaved.
"Are you too cool? Would you like a blanket?"
Dolarhyde peeled off the sanitary napkins covering Lounds's eyes and mouth. Lounds didn't answer. The odor of chlorophorm hung on him.
"I'll get you a blanket." Dolarhyde took an afghan from the sofa and tucked it around Lounds up to the chin, then pressed an ammonia bottle under his nose.
Lounds's opened wide on a blurred joining of walls."
What you see here is the bad guy toying with the victim guy (victim girl in my book) before intending to kill him. Very sweetly offering the blanket. I suppose all psychopaths share the same or similar traits, and as I had first hand experience with psychopathic people, I wrote it by my gut, but as I still don't have much confidence in my writing and constantly doubt it, this passage hit me on the head. Fuck, it stunned me. After reading it I sat still for a good 10 minutes before I could move. It was like the revelation from God, if I believed in God. It felt like Thomas Harris reached out to me through time and space and held my hand and said, "It's okay, girl. You're okay. You're on the right track."