Gif by Martina Paukova
I've been taught that loving myself is a crime, that everything I do is wrong and that I am wrong and that I can't enjoy myself for no better reason than simply enjoying myself, that I must endure and persevere and suffer in silence like everyone else, otherwise who do I think I am, someone special to please myself when I really should be pleasing others?
I have two readings of THE BADLINGS coming up in June, at University Bookstore on the 24th and at Third Place Books on the 25th, and I looked at my wardrobe and realized that I have to really think what to wear in the summer as I'm kind of scant on choices and have no summer sandals. I gotten some birthday money in February and was sitting on them like a chicken on eggs, thinking very carefully how I'd spend them so that what I'd buy would:
- Match everything else I have.
- Last a long time.
- Be cheap but good, as cheap as I could get away with.
- Be something I like at least in theory.
- Not make me look like an old senile idiot.
There were two major things I needed, a spring coat and summer sandals, and after a whole month of deliberating and searching and trying things on and buying and returning (God, I hate shopping. I either like things that cost a fortune, or I don't like anything at all.) and I ended up with a coat that is almost white (I wanted white) and almost the length I wanted and almost the shape, and with the sandals that are white so they'd match and last, because Birkenstock, but the ones with one narrow strip in the middle so my stupid bony feet don't look like hobbit's.