Writing strips my ignorance layer by layer by layer.
Turns out the gesture I used since I remember myself growing up in Russia that means "you won't get shit" is originally stemming from a sycophant who is "one displaying the fig" (in Russian this gesture is supplied with words "you won't get a fig") which is also the symbol for vagina ("sykon" means "vulva"). I grant it, it looks anatomically correct. In Russia later it came to personalize the penis as well, and the obscenity of it means "you won't get any money from me."
Talk about intelligence. How did I not know this?? I'm almost forty.