Varsity all season. Beat at conference. "Congrats you're first alternate"...oh great. Sectionals. Holding it all together, cheering enthusiastically, way to go (girl that beat me). Made it to state, everyone hugs, everyone's happy, so am I. Then it all falls apart. It all crumbles, it's all torn down. "Will the girls that raced today gather for some pictures?". Not me, not me, that's not me. They jump and smile. Girls borrow my sweatshirt for the picture. "Cheese", "We Made IT". Not me, not me. And that's when it all tumbles down, my jealously can't be contained, I ferociously wipe tears from my cheek,"It's OK" I tell myself. "You're fine." but the tears don't stop. They don't stop for three hours. Can't let anyone know, can't let them see my tears. One person asks what's wrong - "I hurt me knee" I say - an obvious lie. Hard to come up with better lies when you're heartbroken. Hard indeed.