All last night while I was dream-thinking, my mind spun with the numbers of children, either born, miscarried, or aborted across the generations of my family. Many women had thirteen kids, and those are just the ones she carried to full term. How to count those lost in utero falling off carriages or bouncing on horses? And those, through spite, through anguish, through fear, aborted in the dark of night? When there was no choice, there literally was no choice. All this to say: I come from a long line of pain. A double helix of cruelty and pain.