“Hey there Spider,” said Reala.
“Howdy,” replied Spider. “Might I bother you for a glass of rum?”
“Sure. Hey, look pretty pleased with yourself this morning.”
“Oh I am,” replied Spider. “I had the best night!”
“Oh aye?” prompted Reala. “Come on, details!”
“Well,” started Spider, “my husband and I were wandering through a cornfield when a UFO appeared and hovered above us. A beam of light blinded us, and before we knew it, we were aboard their craft!”
“Good grief!” cried Reala.
“Oh it was OK, they were very friendly,” said Spider. “They had taken us on board because they were swingers you see, and they were looking for new species to swing with. Experimentation and all that.”
“Oh my,” gasped Reala. “Well, what did you do?”
“Well what do you think we did?” grinned Spider.
“You didn’t?” asked Reala.
“We did,” replied Spider. “And don’t look at me like that, you’d be curious too!”
“Well…” said Reala. “Then what?”
“My hubby went off with the alien girl while the alien fella led me to is boudoir,” sighed Spider. “Let me tell you Reala. It was fantastic! He had these suckers at the end of every finger, and the palms of his hands were furry. The sensations that man can cause…”
Reala poured herself a drink. “Go on!”
“Yes, well it was going well until he took his briefs off,” said Spider. “He had a willy, no word of a lie; it was less than one centimetre long.”
“Oh dear,” laughed Reala.
“Hey, it didn’t bother me too much. You see, then he did something most alien,” said Spider. Learning over the bar and adopting a conspiratorial tone of voice. “He started slapping his face. With every slap, his willy girth increased. Seeing my happy surprise, he then started tugging his ears. With every tug, it grew lengthways!”
“Now that’s a party trick,” chuckled Reala.
“Tell me about it!” said Spider. “Well a few more slaps and tugs, and honestly, it was huge! Biggest I’ve ever seen! Then the nookie began…”
Just then, Mr Spider walked into the bar.
“Hey there hun,” said Spider.
“Hullo,” replied Mr Spider. “Have fun with the alien fella last night?”
“Yeah,” grinned Spider. “I was just gossiping to Reala about it. How did your night go?”
“Enjoyable,” said Mr Spider, “but quite odd…”
“How so?” asked Spider.
“Darndest thing ya see,” said Mr Spider. “I can’t figure out why, but she spent most of the night tugging my ears and slapping my face…”
“I think you need a rum sir,” grinned Reala.
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