The Trickster Diaries/Chapter 119
It was hard rolling with energetic erosion; that feeling of being stuck within a slowly revolving wheel of monochrome ritual. But if you jumped, where would you land? What would become of the cats, all your unsold art?
Funny. Besides the A/C unit, Sybil—just a year earlier, in exchange for a few months trailer rent—had also bought me a two-person backpacking tent and a lightweight, down bag. So in terms of gear, I could, conceivably, land in JTNP wilderness for seven, even eight months out of the year.
Not such a crazy option. My eyesight appeared far worse on the visual field printouts than in my experience of daily reality. Symptoms of emphysema were, according to the doc, years from kicking in and for godssake the money I’d save!
No more trailer park bullshit. No more traffic noise. These illusory, right angled sandcastles shaped and guarded by privilege masked as talent, molded by the tragic, equally ephemeral capitalist model deserved being washed away—their makers, keepers and pawns all drowning in the mud.
Just don’t fuck with my SS check, OK?
Oh, and, dear Showtime: please be sure to archive Twin Peaks: The Return, due to air in spring, 2017. Maybe I’ll come back in early fall, get a room at the Ramada, watch all 18 episodes back to back, as Lynch intended.
a fan (once a maker) of real art.
Escapism? Maybe. So what? Who cares what you call it? Whatever slam name you call it goes back to its roots in the slavemaster’s handbook. I mean, everybody’s picking somebody’s cotton, brother. Even you.
Knowing I was cut out for solitude didn’t mean the four walls and a roof, A/C version of it I already had, (or rented), nor that vision of myself as wandering high desert monk, equalled a perfect DNA match. But without question I felt the too frequently overwhelming, outside-in forces of poverty and ignorance had come together to create a kind of accidental inertia for which there was no logical, and no Zen counterbalance.
The time hadn’t come yet, but soon I’d need to drastically shake things up.