What scares me so much is that a person would admittedly and intentionally seek out ways to hurt a person and make it their mission to be so relentess unwavering and determined to systematically destroy the person they days they love, becauae they love them. They feel there purpose is, to keep the score even, a score that only one side is taking. It will never make sense. She wasn't the girl to be pulled into this, and now, now she's ruined.
I don't know if the best map In the world, or the newest GPS tech will ever help her, ever been enough to help her find her way back to Who she worked So hard to become after every bad thing. ...She used to carry compasses every where she went, so that no matter how lost she became, No matter how many rabbit hole she fell down , she'd always Be able to find her way back-to herself. Those are all gone, they broke with her heart and they just spin in aimless circles now like here soul.
Somehow still you had no difficulty finding a rationalization of why this one person you love so very much, deserves to be treated this way. Even though she would never fathom intentionally hurting you in that slightest.
I'm this girl you claim to love, I'm the one you treat less than dirt, you can't see me, you look at me and its so clear you can only see you.
I don't know what I truly did to have everything i am taken, but between the. Intentional evening of "the score" actions, there's no escape from the daily break down of what a terrible human being I am and how everything I've ever done is wrong, not only am i not capable of better, I don't deserve better. And every attribute i worked so hard to retain within my character through out my llife, it's wrong, I'm not that. I am nothing i thought I was, and I had EVERY PERSON I'VE EVER MET FOOLED.
If I told him he makes me want to not exist anymore, his words have been repeated so often with nothing counter balancing them that even in my awareness of its fallacy existence, he somehow cemented these new beliefs of myself, permanently implemented them into my very foundation and if I said how I felt, he'd come down on me for feeling sorry for myself and not being a grown up, or tell me to do it. He would refuse to accept any blame for me feeling this, MEN, losing myself to goods extreme point, that I don't you feel being friendly but I know I know recognize myself . He Will get me to believe that I'm onlyto this pointbecauae of my own actions and thoughts...but I still know a couple of things and not all of my rational thought is gone ....i know that it takes two. I didn't get here on my own.
The worst part is No matter how much proof you see you'll never actually see the Travis what you are which means don't ever change and you just cause more and more pain forever.