Tuesday (week 2)
Spent 2 days in London. Children running in Hamleys, beauty of the Phantom of the opera, cocktail at the Ice bar, beers in pubs, Christmas shopping... Magic was there!
Felt lighter. No more worries, like an empty space in my current life, a moment far away from responsabilities, work, negative thoughts.
Then the return. The questions coming back! What do I want to do with my life? 3 years ago, I thought I had found my purpose, that I could help others. But I'm not sure anymore. It seems that all the work I did has disappeared. How could I pretend helping others when I'm still the uncertain, worried, negative girl, pretending in front of others everything is fine but burning inside of me?
They say happiness doesn't come from external circumstances but only from yourself. Is that really true? What do I have inside except fear fighting uncertainty?
I don't like my job anymore. I often feel alone despite all my friends. What do I really want? Sometimes I dream of taking my passport, going to the airport and taking the first plane.
Am I depressed or is that a new test on the road that I have to face?