It was a Friday. Which Friday doesn’t matter. Any Friday. All Fridays. Every Friday.
Pounding. That’s what I remember before anything else. The pounding in my head. It was like all my memories, all my desires, all my relationships I had stored away, were thrashing around in my head, fighting to get free.
I needed someone to talk them down.
I need peace.
Please. I called. I cried. I reached out. Help.
Help. Help. Help. Please.
My emotions were liquor. I had too much and I couldn’t stop.
I drank the emotions, sucked them down until the thrashing calmed.
Drink. More. Keep drinking until the voices silence.
The still air numbs my skin, my fingertips feel nothing as I reach for something, anything, to hold onto.
I tried after that. Work. Family. Lover. Nothing worked.
Hopeless. Worthless. Nothing.
It was suffocating. I was suffocating.
I was alone again.
They left me. No matter what I did, what I said, I would always be alone.
No one was there. I wasn’t even there.
Just the pounding.
That’s all I am. The pounding.
“I can’t do it anymore. It’s too much. I’m alone. I’m done.”
The world is loud. My mind is louder. The pounding silences them all.
||madisonlawson.com Disclaimer: This work of fiction was originally featured on aknscRea.tumblr.com. his&HERS: the album,
Comes out Halloween 2016, on aknscRea.bandcamp. com.||