I didn't go to sleep until around 6am, last night. I can't wait until I start working so I can finally regulate my sleeping schedule. I seem to be doing fine without meds, but my appetite is back, full force. I'm eating tons, in terms of calories, and not getting enough workout time in. I'm excited for my watch to come in and my goggles. I can pick up swimming, again, and be a bit more disciplined about it.
I also need to figure out how to eat more good food, too. I'm so hungry but all I'm craving is salt and sugar. I shouldn't even write it out, I'm so scared of enabling myself into going to the store and buying a bag of chips and another 1/2 gallon of ice cream. I don't even want beer. I just want straight junk food. I need to go to Costco and get another round of fish and fruit. I don't have a lot of money right now. I don't know if I should wait it out until the end of the month, or just go through a work binge and try to make a few hundred dollars. I feel like I definitely need food, though, before I start this new job. I want to be able to get into a natural rhythm to eat and go to work, every day. I also need a new bus pass. I can pay for that out of savings, if I really have to. That is why I have savings.
I really just need to get back to work. As long as I'm saying up into the morning, I should be online. I just don't want to put on makeup and force myself into lingerie. I know I can just pull my prices down and count the minutes, but my patience is waning. I'm just glad my vibes aren't totally broken.
All I know is that I'm feeling really fat (I've obviously gained some weight back) and my skin is so broken out. I'm just feeling greasy and gross. I need more sunshine and excercise. I feel like it can be easily remedied, but I need to get it under control and get more to work. I'm sure I can handle no junk food for at least the rest of this month. I just want clearer skin and a slightly flatter stomach.
