I have lived alone for about a year and a half now, well not entirely alone, I do own a cat. But it is only in the past few weeks that I've felt truly lonely. So lonely in fact that I have the Office playing almost constantly, just for some company.
I have been trying to just sit with my loneliness and feel it. Really feel out its contours and consistency. That deep pang inside of me that is reaching outward, always outwards, as if repelled by my inwards. Interesting that loneliness avoids the company of self, dismissing it as insufficient.
I think I am simply coming to terms with certain idiosyncrasies within me that do not mesh well with the outside world. Quirks of the mind that isolate me and always have, but that I have pushed down, deep. An effort I can no longer uphold.
I guess I will get used to the rhythm of the thing.