There has not been a day where I feel lost and trapped in our generation, the constant thought of being able to fit in and masking my myself so I can be socially acceptable. Just the other day when I was on the phone to my sister she told me that her friends were asking how i lived life so easily and how I was so happy living my life as a model. Well the truth is I’m not, what you see on my Instagram are posed and edited pictures to satisfy what the audience wants but I ask myself “ is this what I want “ because if so do I want to keep living a life where I’m constantly stressed out before shoots, making sure my makeup is done right or what outfit goes with what. I’m not the model who gets paid for shoots i model because I genuinely enjoy the feeling of being in front of a camera working with photographers and posting them for content. But in the process of it all, I feel as though I have lost myself and no one knows how much pressure and stress this has caused me. That is why when I hear people asking how am I so happy and carefree, I just laugh, shake my head and say “ if only you knew half of it “ for the people who knows me well, you guys know how insecure I am and how much I doubt myself but little do you know I hide all that by modelling, just to feel good about myself and in just that moment to be comfortable within myself.
All my life I was brought up in an environment where I had to look good all the time and followed what others were doing, just to be liked and I continue to do that till I finished school, basically I felt as though I can never get out of this situation but someone told me today I need to not worry about what other peoples opinions are, move on and start living the life I want and I think he is right.
It’s time for a change, it’s time to start fresh and live the happy life I want.
So for everyone out there struggling to find who you are as an individual, or your sick and tired of being someone your not, learn from my mistake and do what makes you happy because at the end of the day it should be you who is happy and not the ones who your trying to impress. Learn to love yourself and make the changes that will make the better you.
@ello @ellonew @ellowrites @ellowriting @ellothoughts @ellominimal
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