Most of the time I hate what I read on the internet... and it makes me wonder - if there is no place for me in it. Than I start to hate myself for this thought, cause it makes me feel pathetic in so many ways.
There is this hunger for speed... or for knowledge about how to get to some goal more faster, more efficient. And because everyone is "connected" (or just being under the illusion that they are) a desire to be acknowledged is like a cholera of a modern times. I hate that many of us a trying to make a "clickbait" of our lives, and I hate that I try to make of my life something worth of seeing and appreciated by someone else. Its all futile... cause there is no inner peace in it, no real communication.
Meditating on inability to find satisfaction in my own self - makes me doubt photography also. Of course, I mean my own photography. Does it speak about my desire to be connected, to be honest to point of absolute openness... does it have any value? Compared to whom? To the internet I hate so much?
You see, its all about this pathetic need to be appreciated. I hate it. It makes me feel scared.
But maybe I am overthinking it all too much. Overthinking comes from seeing oneself without actually seeing true self. Ignorance. Egotism. Lust. Ah, here is a good title for a photo book...
#photography #internet #bw #ishootfilm #butidontcare #pathetic #futile #struggle #tobe #appreciated