A letter to my friends
If I were to say anything to a group of people in my life it would be this:
Thank you for the compassion you have shown, strength you have given me, and love that you have shown me in this life-time.
The last year and a half have been a whirlwind of emotion and I have not lived an easy life. I have saw the fragility of life in a single flash of my eyes more times than I can count, but one thing I have taken from this is not to take your time for granted. I spent my 23rd birthday waiting for a small gesture of life in a hospital room. A simple hand squeeze or a breath of confirmation. I drove countless hours back and forth for two weeks only to end up broken hearted and permanently one lifetime less. With that I learned the simple rule of human fragility. There is going to come a time in every person's life where an ending will only be a last I love you. No reason or rhyme, but that ‘it's time’. When I left that evening all I saw was the sunset as a simple wave of ‘goodbye’ that I never got. The end to a new beginning. I called my friends crying that I'd never felt so sad but they were quick to assure me that it wasn't going to be so bad. That was the day my heart changed. If you've ever felt true heartbreak, you know it like an unbearable pain. As if your chest is physically being ripped in two halves. Yet the revitalizing sensation of renewal. You're not only mourning your loss but also the loss of a part of you that never felt too important to begin with. This is where true friendship tends to thrive. The wild jungle in your own mind starts to unravel and your own self begins to feral. These small tribes of people begin to rebuild yourself a new. From memories of generosity, happiness, and your own dedication in life that they have saw you as.
Friendship can mean a lot to some people but for every native that travels within that Jungle they begin to mean so much more to you. All the battles they fight are for you alone. I don't think there is any sense of true sacrifice over that. They begin to cut out the ugliest and overgrown parts of you, just to allow a little bit of sunshine back into your life. Even when there are people in this life that you may not like, you have to learn to live with them. They will curate your persona and question your own thinking in perspectives you never realized. Their presence will still leave a mark on you, Whether you like it or not. Ive come to know something about a last I love you or a kiss goodbye. Therefore, If I were to tell my friends something, I would tell them this: live your life with enthusiasm for every minute. Do not let these dark moments overcome you. Take that small chance at complete bliss. I left my old life in a single leap.
I know my own biggest flaw is being emotionally shut down, in fear of being vulnerable. I Don't always say how appreciative I am for each small gesture and every moment my friends give me. From a simple gesture, helping hand, or small text durring the day. I have countless memories of adventure and heartache. If I could I would write a letter to each person In this life to tell them what they have taught me and how they've changed me, I would. Truthfully there just isn't enough time on my hands to tell them or give them the value they are worth to me. There is not one person in my life who hasn't taught me understanding or a lesson to be learned. I know the last 6 months have been a rough time, but I assure you I'm trying to pick myself back up. Not all people come into your life at the perfect time but life isn't alway beautiful. One might mistake a single part of someone for their whole. There are going to be those ugly moments you wish you could take back. I have come to learn this in my own life. I wish I could fix all my mistakes in a single wave. Creating Another moment or that perfect time. If I could go back and tell myself something honestly I wouldn't have don't the things I did. I would tell you the things I've saw, the people I've met, or the things I never thought I could do. The dreams I've filled, the love I've given or the time I've tried spending on those who I thought the most of. In a single moment or a specific time. I would spent my time loving myself rather than others aimlessly.
For being 24 I have come a long way. I have found answers to questions I never asked, lived to see my goals I never set, and loved people harder than I probably deserved. There were a lot of wrong turns but many happy endings as well. I moved to a city without a lick of knowledge or a person's name. I may not have meant to end up here but I was meant to learn something here. When I wake up to see a new day all i ever think about is how I have been given a second chance to a bad day. Those small victories you've made in a day. You'll never learn to love something if you've never lost something to begin with. Don't sweat the small stuff or wait for the last minute. You never know when your friends might be thinking something the same.
I advise people to live authentically, unapologetically, and pursue what matters to you most. You will never find wealth in material things because being rich comes through the acceptance, love, and support of others. When you die no one will remember the money you made or the amount you spent. They'll remember the time you gave and the attitude you shown towards others. The times you made their own life worth remembering. No matter where you go in life people will always be on this earth, evolving, changing, loving, and destroying, what was once yours. Just as you have to the ones before you. Through those billions there will always be someone to support you as well. That one person that you held on to so tightly as if your arms might break. These are the people that matter most. Curate And flourish within this euphoria. Start and end your days just trying to be happy with yourself and taking care of others as you would yourself. Tell the how much you love them, your favorite part about them, or the things you've saw today. Happiness is meant to be curated in this lifetime. Sure you'll find less people than yourself but they'll also find less in you. Your voice, ideas, and moral are worth more than a simple mind. Find those people that can appreciate all the cracks and crevices of your less fortunate side. Their patience will be worth more than you think. Find those guilty pleasures as well, from your breakfast routine to your favorite spot to the ugliest parts of yourself. Never lose the drive or dedication to yourself or to others important to you. You owe it to yourself to be a wildling in your own environment. No one else can be happy for you unless you take the time to be happy for yourself. When you allow yourself to finally flourish I promise all those ‘right times with the right people’ will finally start to flourish.