Day 359 - Mine
Three of my own to focus on today:
My own feelings
My own behaviors
My own thoughts
Turmoil at home and at work troubled me. I was unable to sleep well and I could not rest for trying to solve other's problems. My focus was entirely on them. My time was theirs.
I took refuge then, in the natural world, as I often do. At work I stood outside in the sun and watched the graylings work over a parking lot in search of food. Traffic moving in and out of the lot did not disturb them. They fluttered aside and returned to their task. When a fight broke out at the nearby convenience store, they ignored it. They were focused entirely on themselves.
I sat down at the office and tried to emulate those scrawny birds. I focused on what I felt, and laid aside my reactions to the day's squabbles. I stopped trying to placate people and shut my door instead. I thought through what I needed to get done that day to make myself feel good about my work. When others came to seek me out for solutions I asked them to find their own for just that day.
That evening I ate quietly and did not intervene in the daily quarrel among my family. Somehow I had given myself permission to not be involved. Somehow I gave myself peace.
My own had become important to me. My own were no longer sacrificed to others. My own, finally, were my own.