Toward the end of next month I'll have been with the love of my life for 20 years. An impossibly grown up number when I still feel so young inside, when our love is so vibrant and passionate, when I look at this man and still see the boy with long, red hair that I fell in love with. 20 years! And still happy together, my darlings, so happy.
We're so obviously happy and in love after all this time that we sometimes get asked what is the secret to staying in love. Who should be here to answer that? My grandparents. They were married something over 60 years and stayed in unstoppable, wondrous love with each other. If there was some magic surely they knew it. But perhaps your Auntie Mephit can tell you something. You've heard that Love is a verb? and action word? Yes? It is. Love is actions, actions big and small, and you need to DO IT. Loving someone, as just a feeling in your heart isn't really anything. It's a feeling, hidden, useless. That feeling has to be translated into action. You need to show your love by doing things. Actions speak louder than words, as you've heard many times, and actions are real where words can be fleeting or even false. Some examples of how my love and I show each other love: every morning when I get up so very, very early, (3:30am) I make tea for my husband while he is still asleep. I give this tea to him and wake him just before I leave at 4:30, so he can study and do homework before he has to get ready and go to work. I wake him with a kiss. When there is snow my husband often brushes the snow or scrapes the ice off my car as well as his own. Often when I get home from work I find that he has made the bed or set the children to doing chores to make less work for me. We text each other during the day and share laughter, frustration and insights so we know we are on each other's minds. Mostly little things, every day things, make up love.
I also make sure that he knows he is the one I would choose over and over again for my whole life. We each make sure the other knows that there is no rival we need ever fear. I don't assume love is the same for everyone, or that everyone wants the same things. I learned by watching my grandparents and their lifetime of love. It works for us, but every love will be just a little different than those around it. Love is action though, and it is a choice, it is a choice you need to make over and over again. Choose love.