A Vision From My Death Bed
One of my biggest fears takes place on my death bed. Just as I am about to depart this world, I have a vision, and in this vision I am suddenly stricken with doubt.
A being, a voice from somewhere shows me my entire life story and asks me why I made this choice or that choice. Why did you do that, the voice asks?
And I am speechless. I cannot answer because I do not know why I made that choice to do that certain thing.
And as I make my transition I am filled with remorse. Why did I do that action? Why did I not do something else? Why did I decide to go in that particular direction? Why did I not decide to go in a different direction? Why did I say something vile to this person and not say something kinder?
In most cases it would not have taken a special effort to be kinder, more gentle, more loving, more thoughtful. Or to simply remain silent and let the matter pass. But instead, based on a need to be right and exert my ego I had to spew some words that stirred up the most fallacious ingredients resulting in a most apocryphal outcome.
And afterward, with deep regret, I tried to take it back and make things right. But it could not be.
And so at the time of my passing I have to take that doubt with me, to wear like a scarlet letter wherever I end up after this life.
Well...good thing I'm not dead yet...