I'm very grateful to probability and chance for leaving me a bit better off than my siblings. I don't have the constant overstimulation, lack of control of emotional impulses, and total lack of socialization of my oldest brother; and I lack the illiteracy, zero understanding of societal norms, and total obsessive-compulsiveness of my younger-older brother. The inability to connect to other people, slightly obsessive compulsive behavior, abandoning responsibility for special interests, and inability to express my emotions and thoughts didn't escape me. I first though of killing myself in fifth grade. I was nine years old, and nine years of having no friends and feeling totally trapped inside of my skull was wearing me thin. I couldn't figure out the rules. I never knew what expression to make, what comments to verbalize, how to properly respond to my classmates. I wasn't like them. I felt like I couldn't get the pattern down. I tried. So many times. They never worked; I only isolated myself more since I had given myself the Weird label and seemed to only attract attention in the form of bullying.
I'm very grateful to probability and chance for stumbling onto a webcomic called Homestuck when I was fourteen. Those of you who know of homestuck; but aren't familiar, probably remember it as a terrible fandom full of gross kids who spat into buckets and left gray body paint everywhere. Inside of me it because something different; I was obsessed with this tail of universe creation off the bat. Even better than the fleshed out universe was how the main characters' interactions were mainly done by chatlogs; I realized I could use these as a friendship/socialization manual. I was barely months older than the beta kids, and I intently studied the strong bonds between them despite their isolation, awkwardness, misplaced kindness, accidental or unthinking cruelty, strangeness, and unfortunate circumstances. I used their examples on how to express my thoughts and emotions, following the patterns they used to get from point A to point B to point C when communicating. Before I had access to such a large manual (I believe at one point it was considered in the longest works of english writing) I had very little idea how to tell someone what I was thinking without being rudely blunt, circling around and around another topic hoping they'd bring it up, and crying out of frustration because I didn't know how to let people know what I wanted to tell them. It helped that Andrew Hussie gave the children maturity-scaled dialogue. As the characters matured over the years it was being updated, I recieved updates on how people my age were speaking to each other.
I voraciously consumed anything Homestuck I could find, especially during the infamous hiatuses. It was during the particularly long break before Cascade when I found a website that you could enter your area code into and name into, and it would display the names of other Homestucks in your city. There was one Homestuck in my city who had entered their information, and she lived five minutes away from me. I asked my dad to take me to her house; my dad agreed without a second thought. I think he was excited that maybe one of his children could be normal. When I arrived I had trouble speaking, but she sat me down with her sister and brother and we watched Avatar. I calmed down a bit, and before none of use could stop talking and sharing and theorizing about Homestuck. I was sad to leave; never before had anyone listened to what I had to say other than to copy my homework. Everything they were telling me made sense and didn't make me panicky. I hadn't felt so comfortable before. I became good friends with the youngest girl, and ended up slowly merging into their friend group. I had to constantly consult Homestuck; while they character I especially liked were great show offs and attracted people they could be terribly mean, and I had to learn to adjust myself and implement the social rules I gleaned from interacting with my Homestuck friends. One friend turned into three, turned in five, turned into ten over the course of four years. I treasure my first three friends the most for taking a chance on me and being so kind the past eight years. I learned how to enjoy time around other people, and how to communicate. I can make friends. I know how to socialize. I was an adult before I could handle talking to and socializing with strangers. All because of fucking Homestuck.