So many people have no idea that I don't have a "job." I lost a really great job that I enjoyed doing, but wasn't the best fit for. I took lots of photos and created content with a camera a friend was loaning to me indefinitely. Today I got a text asking for the camera back, and I feel completely devastated. Without a job, using my camera has been my only source of income-and my one plan on getting another job. I don't mean to always write about my struggles on Ello, lol but instagram is a place where I haven't felt the freedom to be completely raw and open about myself, you know? It's mostly the highlights. Right now I don't have very many highlights... just me desperately creating to keep myself from falling into a depression and to mute out my own voice from telling myself I'm failing at everything. I feel like crying now, because taking pictures is my life. It BRINGS me life! I enjoy learning about it so so much. I looked up some cameras I can buy, but gosh.... without a job right now that would be impossible for me. It's been 3 weeks since not working and I feel so much better without the stress and the commute, but also I have this panicked voice asking "what are you going to do, what are you going to do, what are you going to DO??" Just repeating over and over like a broken record. 😭 I feel SO lost. What am I going to do?