"Though dreams Can be deceiving. Like faces are to hearts. They serve for Sweet relieving; When fantasy and reality, Lie too far apart.
So I stretch myself across, Like a bridge. And I pull you to the edge. And stand there waiting. Trying to attain. The end to satisfy the story.
Shall I release you?
Must I release you?" Fiona Apple
I kept myself running full steam this weekend. Vain attempt to escape all the things bubbling below the surface. Now, terrified for my dad's well-being. He's my favorite person, my biggest supporter, and my role model.
I've had a lot of realistic dreams about love. Heartbreaking cries in the dream when they learned I've been on dates. Me giving kisses to back of shoulders that looked and felt familiar.
I'm pretty sure this weekend I put 500mi on my car. Don't regret it for a second. Got to see someone from my 3 Different Groups each day: Work, School, & Home. A friend helped me harvest peppers from my garden. Taught me how to make stuffed peppers for dinner.
My new cat isn't cuddly. But she was happy I was home a lot more Sunday considering my complete absences Friday & Saturday. Last night she did choose to curl up with me though.. that helped. I miss Fiona the cat. I don't need or want a lapcat.. But it'd be so nice to have a cat who was old enough to recognize you need them. I miss her dark face watching me walk about the house. And her staring out the window chittering at birds.
When I was 25, it was a God-awful, painful year. End of story.
When I was 26, I took chances across the board. Found someone I was myself with immediately (sharing bathrooms at 4months ;) ). And I saw a happy lifetime of him.
Being 27, brought bad luck and struggles. I was expecting an unlucky year, and it really didn't let me down in that capacity. Not sure if that fostered or constricted growth.
Now I'm another year older. I have no expectations for this year. It's feeling a little Groundhog's Day.. same feelings/emotions/frustrations as many years before, again and again.
I'm open to advice.