Next time you think you've got it hard...
In the tradition of Chicago Sicilians, I'm not sayin' anything with this but....
This is for everyone but especially you youngsters out there. Next time you think you've got it hard remember that some of us come from a time like this.
Let's say someone pisses you off. You don't have a smartphone, not even a cellphone. You have to use a pre-Google search engine to look up the best place to shoot/stab/bludgeon someone so they stop bothering you. Then you have to use Mapquest to find driving directions to an our of the way quarry or swamp to dump the body. Now I know most of you think the government is spying on your internet history, but back then we knew they were. Just plain new it. We even told each other secret phrases to type in to make it stop for a few seconds.
Now, admittedly, it was easier to get the information because there were like a hundred websites total, but that actually made the tracking us easier too. Anyway, you got your instructions and then you wrote down the directions Mapquest gave you. (Yes, wrote them down, we couldn't all afford printers back then.) Then you have to wait for your pager to go off with the 911 call from your one buddy with a truck and giant tarp. Did I mention we didn't all have SUVs and minivans back then? Well, we didn't. You better hope that one guy with a truck is on your side.
So you get the call and spend five minutes dragging the "evidence" outside. Your friend wasn't going to help you load either, so you knew you'd be sore tomorrow. You finally get the truck ready to go, get three blocks away, turn around and get the paper with the directions you left on the table. At this point you know you're going to have to give truck friend some money for gas, because it's above a buck a gallon now.
You go. Mind you, you have to turn around three times because Mapquest is notoriously bad for giving incorrect distances, mostly correct names, and making you turn on streets with no/hidden signs. Then you get lost three more times within five blocks both due to that and the fact that you wrote the directions down slightly wrong at least once. You're swearing, truck friend is swearing, your parents are blowing up your page (yes, I said pager, look it up) with whatever the code you agreed to that means, "You're grounded" but you keep going.
So you finally dump the "evidence" and your friend says the dreaded words. "Did you remember to write down the return directions?" Because, see, back then just following it backwards wasn't that easy. So now you have to dispose of more evidence and wonder what the hell you're going to do with this truck? Because there is no way in hell you're becoming truck friend. People call this guy in the middle of the night for all sorts of crazy shit.
You finally get home and realize that tomorrow you're going to be sore. Worse than that you're going to have to taint your pre-Google search history again. You need to figure out how and where to dispose of a giant assed truck. You also have to take care of that without your parents finding out because, well, you're grounded. You can't solve that problem, they feed you.
This is what it was like in the late eighties and early nineties. Life was hard. So next time you have a problem like this, stop bitching! Be thankful you can whip out your smartphone, go incognito and carry it around. Seriously, kids these days have it too easy.
Where was I going with this? Oh right! I'm not sayin' anything by this, but I'm just sayin'.
There are some days when I look at my sales and review numbers and get to thinking... Mapquest is still out there.