I went to Thailand for a month, Ever since I got back, I saw so much out there. It is so insane how people live. I went into a laundromat, It ended up being this person's home. They had a bunch of rooms and there were kids just folding all of our laundry. They were kids, little kid doing it, doing my laundry. I didn't know that.
I get back here and I just want to find a job, mainly to be a server because most money is in that. I've been a server for a couple years. Everyone pretends it's like rocket science to be a server. I go to school for nursing, I can memorize anything you throw at me. I can't find a job as a server.
I'm going today, I love talking to people. I want the confidence. I meditate everyday to find it. I feel it shouldn't be that hard but it is. Especially everyone out here, they have a persona about them. They all have this plan and they know what they're doing. They're actors, musicians, everyone is a model and they can do everything. And I'm just like, I'm just trying to be a server and I've been feeling very down about it, like I'm not worthy of anything. I need to step back, you went to Thailand, you're a medical student, all you want to do is just serve some food, make some money. It's not that hard. People make me believe it's like ..."I have 5 plus years in the industry....". I took this walk before I do my interview to get the Zen on, you know, trying to get my center. I know, even if I don't get the job it's not because of me, there are so many jobs out there and I'll find one. I'm only 21, I have the whole world ahead of me and I don't have to take things so seriously.
I have Oreo, A little Boston Terrier stuffed animal. I got him in second grade, when I had a disease growing up. I would get 106 fevers every 30 days, on the dot for four years of my life. Every 30 days I would be in the hospital for one week. Before my surgery, before I had my tonsils taken out, my mom let me pick out whatever animal I wanted from Target. I got Oreo. Ever since then I've just had him. A couple months ago I washed him with something red now he's dyed red. He looks a little stoned now because he had white eyes now his eyes are always red. I sleep with him every night, sometimes I find him in the crease between the bed and the wall. I make sure to prop him up before I leave everyday. Either he's looking out the window or whatever, I have to make sure he's all good. He's like a security blanket. I use to take him to school everyday when I was young and play handball with him.
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