My dangerous shadow.
I have a shadow, this shadow is different from those generated by light. My shadow is generated by my soul. It speaks to me in my own voice, familiar, safe, trustworthy, logical.
Sometimes my shadow is short, as if it were high noon I can barely hear it at those times whispering it's dangerous logic. Sometimes my shadow is tall, it engulfs me and all I can hear is it's ever so convincing logic.
"Wouldn't it be nice to just go to sleep and never wake up?"
"Your friends will forget soon enough, they are strong....they probably won't even notice."
"You serve no purpose here. Give up. Stop wasting energy. You don't belong"
I know the logic is wrong It's shadow logic. Perfectly me and yet perfectly backwards. I can't get rid of it any better than I can get rid of my physical shadow. It is part of my make up.
I do my best to restrain it, using the tiny lights of love, medication, therapy and plain old hard work.
Sometimes I just get tired of all the shadow boxing. It goes no where. I am still depressed each day when I wake up, whether the shadow is tall and people can see the pain in my face, or short when a smile resides there, it is always with me.