A One Minute Play
(He is standing on a porch, nervous. She is dressed in a colorful exterminator’s uniform, unloading equipment from the back of a van. )
He: Will this—will it take long?
She: Don’t know. Depends.
He: I just—
She: Won’t know till I take a look.
He: I’d really appreciate getting this done…quickly.
She: Do my best, sir.
He: Can I…help? You? With…anything?
She: Can’t let you do that, sir.
He: I’d do it myself, but—
She: We never recommend that, sir. Best to leave it to the pros.
He: I’m just not good with…pests.
She: I understand.
She: You don’t have to explain.
He: It’s just—you know, you have one, and you think it’s no big deal, you can handle it, and then suddenly there’s a nest. And you can’t get rid of them—on your own.
She: That’s what I’m here for.
He: An infestation.
She: These situations need to be nipped in the bud, so to speak.
He: I—uh, I just can’t handle mess. You’ll take care of the mess?
She: You paid for the full package?
He: Yes. Yes.
She: Then I’ll take care of everything.
He: This is…safe, right? I mean, it won’t…put me in danger?
(Pause. She looks at him, scoffingly.)
She: Sir, you read the literature?
He: I, uh…skimmed it.
She: Just follow the guidelines, you should be dandy.
He: I just don’t want any surprises.
She: That’s probably how all this started.
He: It’s not like I don’t take precautions.
She: Sir, these things happen.
(She finishes unloading the equipment, closes the back of the van. The door to the van reads “Pied Piper Exterminators.”)
She: So, where are they?
(He looks at her, stricken. End.)