Spring break has really been a great week for me. I reconnected with many old friends and had so many laughs. I'm both physically and mentally worn out, but in a good way. It's like I'm a kid who got to spend the whole day at Disneyland except I spent a whole week interacting with friends and going out. I'm pretty sure everyone on instagram is sick of me bombarding everyone with my dumb smile and good times. My feed is all ruined too but I really like it this way. It'll probably go back to normal soon enough, and I think that's great. I both not care what people think and still get to post artsy photos anyway. I really did find my happy medium. And, I think it's all worth it, because everyone that cares all gave me this last longing look after our hangout upon knowing that this will be the last time they see me for three months. I can see it in their eyes and faltering smiles that they actually do like hanging out with me, and I love knowing that without them having to tell me. All their "goodbye Trina"s really make me miss home. I love it here. I'm happy to go back to Davis too, actually. Which isn't how I felt last time after winter break. I'm excited to become even more independent and make up for my shitty GPAs from last quarter (who even gets excited for that anyway? Me, the fucking nerd). I'm becoming so much stronger everyday, it's almost scary. Everyone that didn't think too much of me in high school has been kissing my ass lately. They're realizing it too and it's so funny. I love being me.
I had a conversation with my oldest friends about finding someone to grow old with. I told them all I didn't really care about being alone for the rest of my life. They all thought it was because I was bummed out and was being hard on myself, but I wasn't saying it like it was a negative thing. I'm not saying I will be alone, but why should I be afraid/sad if I am? Yeah, it might be nice to have someone to have around and talk about their day, but I can do that with many other people in my life that I'm not necessarily romantically interested in. I've actually been doing that this whole week with my family and friends and I really like it. I'm going to keep doing it when I'm away too. And I can't wait to ask about everyone's life back in Davis either. I think I feed off of other people's energies and that they feed off of mine. Everything's so beautiful in that way
One last thing: I don't know if I want to go to the second day of Burgerama. I'm a bit tired of the scene. Also, I want to spend time with my family and pack for my plane ride back home. Also, a ton of my friends aren't even going. I have Ezra, and we kissed a couple of times and it was cute. I might go so we could hold hands while watching Shannon and the Clams but I don't know. I also don't want to go if I happen to run into my ex and be ignored. I mean, it's not like I want to hang with him the whole time either, but it's kind of a situation I'd rather not dive into. And, another thing, there's not that many cute guys there. But I also really hate burger fans.. So maybe that's why.. There are cute girls though! But all the actual lesbians all have girlfriends from what I've seen.. Well, except Ezra. But I think I just want platonic kissing for right now. She's too cool of a friend to lose. I don't know. I'll decide tomorrow morning if I want to go.