Carmax called. The description of the most recent mini issue was hilarious.
"Yeah, your axle shaft has pretty much disintegrated. Both boots too. There's grease sprayed everywhere, it's all dried out in there, so we need to replace all of that and you need a new tie rod too."
"That's all covered by warranty?"
The mini is fun, and cute, and I like it overall, despite the issues, but I'd have gotten rid of it long ago if it weren't for the awesome warranty. At least by the time the warrany runs out it'll be made of all-new parts.