Today a girl who I'd been quietly supporting and following for her cosplay, and as a fellow Ilonggo is on the cover of FHM. It's so surreal, and here I can be honest about why.
Myrtle Gail Sarrosa for me was the cute girl next door girl. The little sister (who actually wasn't). In one of those benign manifestations of sexuality known as moe, I had protective, older brother feelings towards her, and I actually did quietly support her. This was particularly important for her during her tenure at PBB Teens.
I didn't actually watch the show regularly, that wasn't the kind of support I gave her. I quietly stood up for her on Twitter, and discreetly sent her messages of support (well, when I found out what her accounts were).
There was a part of me who knew I was going to be heartbroken when the day she would come of age would finally come, but really, I don't have to beat around the bush here, do I?
Myrtle today isn't just cute, or beautiful, she is smoking hot. I am sexually attracted to her, and knowing she's come of age, my lower brain tells me she is a desirable mate.
I wish I didn't have these feelings too, and wondering to myself if I'm a terrible person for feeling these things. I know there are schools of thought that these are normal feelings, and there are people who say that people who think the way I do can never be trusted around women.
So yeah, right now I am uncomfortable with my own feelings, even as I start reacting to the people reporting on this right now. I know Myrtle is going to face up to a lot of people giving her shit and disgusting comments and spiteful comments and all that, and I'll try to support her with that as best as I can too, but I don't know what to do with these other feelings I instinctually want to sublimate because they make me doubt myself.