You Have Found The Tin Sword!
The first thing to know about me is that I'm a fraud. A fake. The person I am when I'm by myself is nothing compared to the character I feel like I have to be in public. Probably no different than anyone else in some regards. Everyone has a void, I suppose. Something preventing them from feeling complete.
I'm convinced mine is love. I am even more scared that I am wrong.
Thinking about the Cloud, thinking about the mortality of the Universe. Any kind of expansive thinking like that puts the futility of everything into question. Most of us go through the motions without even thinking about the bigger picture. The bigger landscape. Even I look at the moon sometimes and forget it's orbiting our planet, which is orbiting a sun, which is orbiting a galaxy, which is orbiting the universe.
I think that's why I don't like video games. I've spent to many hours listening to and reading about the chances of my existence being a simulation. A lot of people laugh about it, but maybe it's true. Life sometimes reminds me of the old video games in the late 80s and early 90s. Your character would start out with the wooden sword until he had discovered the tin sword, which he used until he discovered the steel sword and so on. The grind in between seeking gold to buy upgrades remained the same between swords. You needed to get stronger in order to overcome the obstacles preventing you from your goal. All of it starts to sound too much like life.
Society these days is a lot like those games now. You trudge through a broad landscape, seeking glory. Most people you talk to only have the same three or four stories to tell you. Like today, we quit listening halfway through because we don't have the luxury of pushing a button to skip to the part where you ask a question you don't really want to hear the answer to. You just want to continue onward in your journey.
Along with the written word, the linear thought process is a dying art. Or it's a mutating art. These days people are way better at binge-watching eight seasons of a popular television show than they are at reading a single book. I know because I'm cursed like this.
That's another thing you should know about me. I'm a fucking hypocrite. I'd like to think everyone else is to blame for my dependence on technology. There is a part of me that feels like I only use it when necessary, but that's a lie. My browser history should be able to attest for that. However, there is a deeper part of me that hates it with my very core. It's damaged society. Stunted its growth.
I blame my generation for that. We grew up when video games were just starting to evolve. When America Online was introducing us to our first taste of digital heroin. Right about the time we were all making big decisions about our future, and the world changed. Technology blew up. Cellphones. Internet. Cellphone with internet. Video game consoles with internet and graphics unlike anything we've ever seen. Social media. It was easy for everyone to sell their soul. I did. Most of it anyway. I resist where I can.
I don't have a Smartphone. Gasp! I'm still using a flip phone. I refuse to give in. Mostly because I've seen it's power. How it absolutely hypnotizes someone. Makes them lazier. Eight hundred dollars of technology in their hands and they ask me a question they could ask their phone. They would, they'll say, but I only got four percent left on my battery. Lost to the fact that their battery life is actually a cleverly hidden metaphor for their life. The smartphone they needed to change their lives for the good being used to update their SNAP status to something like: sure wish i was good enough for someone to love me.
Fucking puke. I will never be more important than someone's smartphone. At the rate we are going, neither will you.